Oh you again...balls

I miss you, but I don't want to tell you.
I want to talk to you, but I don't want you to call.
I won't call either because it won't help.
But I don't know how to go on without missing you.
And I hate that I miss you. Because I know you aren't missing me. Not like I miss you.
Not that it matters. It was never about how you felt about me. It was always about me loving you.
Never about you wanting me, but me always wanting you the way you are. And you never wanting me the way I am. But that isn't fair either, because I know you care...or why would you tell me you miss me? You probably even do miss me...in your way. But your way is not enough for me. I wish it was. I wish I felt happy enough alone that I didn't need your love. Didn't want your love, didn't want for you to hold me, talk to me, go out with me, support me, but I want/need those things, and you won't give me those things...so how do I fix this? How do I go on missing you and not wanting you in the same moment. Wanting a different you. A you that can love me like I want to be loved. So how do I get on? Please tell me...