Wednesday, November 14, 2012

My old friends

I have so many old friends.
Friends I have known my whole life.
Or at least I have called them friends.
My despair, my fear, my anger, they have been with me for so long.
Living side by side.
And I lived here willingly, blaming everyone but me.
It was easier. Made it easier for me to not take responsibility.
Made it easier for me to be a victim. To not SEE that all my friends were my enemies and I created them.
To keep me company, but they are easy. They come easy and stick around.
But like growing pains, they hurt me.
Kept me from seeing. Myself,the beauty around me. The loves of my life.
I kept my hands tight around  my heart squeezing it till it couldn't breathe. Each finger digging into the tender flesh, piercing the very essence of my being. Till I no longer remembered that those fingers-hate, anger, despair, loneliness, anger, fear, blame, sadness, victim, and lost weren't apart of my heart, they were just holding my heart in.
So each day, I pry, finger by finger, my heart free from my own grasp.
Letting go.
Allowing myself to be free.